maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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