she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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