i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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