WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
