So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
