Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
