don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
