I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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