dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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