i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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