DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
