I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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