How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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