New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
