wakey wakey hands off snakey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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