I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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