super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
