Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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