I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
