you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
