i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
