He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
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Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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