You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
