Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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