I feel great
I just peed on a car
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
