1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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