I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize