if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
