so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
