he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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