Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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