Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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