Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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