soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
