this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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