Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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