Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
