I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
