I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
