i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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