She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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