She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
