was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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