Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
