on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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