kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
