Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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