So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
