after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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