she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
