I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
