Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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