Sry I called you an 8
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
