what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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