so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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