Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
