OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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