Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
