In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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