It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
