Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
