his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im part way to drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
