how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
