haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize