WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
