So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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