I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
