Four minutes until I can fart!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
