Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
