I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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