Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize